Panic at the Disco,
Photographic Series, 2014

I made these photographs of myself while experiencing severe panic attacks, anxiety and a mental health breakdown. The sleep deprivation behind it came from caregiving, waking at all hours of the night to look after others. Caring for people as they grew older also confronted me with my own mortality.

The title comes from the slang “all panic, no disco”: a state of high anxiety with no fun or calm in it. I felt so visible, and so focused on my own breathing, that I panicked. In each image, my body is naked in a small pool of light against black, like a figure caught in a spotlight on an empty dance floor. The body stands, then folds down and curls toward the floor, visibly fragile and in exile at the same time.